The Dark computer is a technological breakthrough destined to eclipse the recently announced “light” computer.  The dark Computer results from years of study, research, and development in the dark.  It is faster than the light computer because dark travels FASTER than light.  (Proof: before light gets anywhere, dark is already there!)

The Dark Computer uses the newly discovered sub-atomic particle, the dark quark. Our research has determined that two dark quarks combine to form the basic elementary particle of darkness, the offon.  Three dark quarks combine to form the elementary particle of management, the moron.  The Dark Computer requires very little power – so little, in fact, that it is completely powered by a single lunar cell (similar to a solar cell but more efficient in high dark conditions.)

A complete bundled software package, developed at the Arizona University of Mimes Night School, comes with each Dark Computer.  The software includes DOS (Dark Operating System), LUNAR-C (a quick and dirty C compiler), DuskBase-V (an irrational database) and Nada (an objection-oriented programming language).

Some of the special hardware features of the Dark Computer are:

  Multiple shifter registers for right-shift, left-shift, and night-shift.

  One biggabyte memory composed entirely of shadow RAM with fully dissociative outta cache.

  Music synthesizer with demonstration tunes such as Moonlight Sonata, Dark Eyes, and In the Still of the Night (which is not a hillbilly drinking song).

  Surreal-time clock with granularity of 28 days (known as 1 lunar tick).

  A display composed of one million (1000 X 1000) DEDs (Dark Emitting Diodes). These are similar to LADS (Light Absorbing Diodes) in the same way that electron-flow theory resembles hole-flow theory.

  Optional interface to the MLB Digital Holstein (we’re really milking this!).  With a Digital Holstein connected, the processor output increases up to 250 Complex Orthogonal-Weighted Floating Operations Per Second (250 COWFLOPS).

The MLB Dark Computer is especially useful for such applications as black hole research, dark-side-of-the-Force computations, blindfold tests, vampire tracking, and mushroom management.  Military applications include SDI, Stealth research and RFP generation.  The Dark Computer is powerful enough to handle computations on matter, anti-matter, and doesn’t-matter.